Jeremy: The Most Interesting Man in the World, pt 1

He uses poisonous cactus needles as toothpicks and toothpicks to win dart tournaments.

Runoff from his sweat has been known to cure long drought seasons.

He once started a war with a pandemonium of parrots…and lost…so he claims…

He grew a pair of breasts just to win a bet against a woman with implants.

He is the Most Interesting Man in the World…these are his tales:


Mah Nà Mah Nà

It is believed he travels with the changing wind in a pact with the orbit of the sun. The truth is the earth orbits the sun in succession with his will. Indeed the sun stayed up an hour later than usual one day just so he could reach the summit of a Guatemalan mountain for sunset. When asked about the delay in getting to the top, his answer was simple, “Mah Nà Mah Nà.” Many believed this to be a nonsensical phrase from a song by Piero Umiliani, but a deeper study found an alternate solution. Mah Nà Mah Nà is a rarely evoked Swedish-Nahuatl word hybrid pertaining to the senses of Central American ‘armless snakes’. In this particular, or peculiar, situation, the Most Interesting Man in the World was resuscitating an ‘armless snake’ with CPR in the often dangerous caves of Chemic Champey.

‘Armless snakes’ in the caves of Chemic Champey are believed to possess to certain cures for acid reflux. Anyone who has tempted cuisine in Guatemalan markets knows the value in extracting the snakes’ potent potables. The most interesting man in the world spelunked through caves by candlelight to capture as many ‘armless snakes’ as possible. Leeches abound and hairy big-fanged bats aplenty. Upon discovery of the last dying ‘armless snake’, the Most Interesting Man in the World did what he knew best: call it a floosie, point and laugh.

The ensuing moments were fuzzy at best, but mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was given to the last remaining ‘armless snake’ and acid reflux was cured…at least for the most interesting man in the world. For he ate the snake after the snake turned his ungrateful back on the most interesting man in the world. He was right about that snake being a floosie.

His journey ended at sunset looking down from the local mountain with the snake that could have been. The snake that could have restored hope and change to all who suffer from acid reflux. But no, that snake had to be a floosie with an attitude. What kind of floosie snake would turn it’s back on the Most Interesting Man in the World with little remorse? The sun seeing the noble intentions in the most interesting man’s eyes decided to wait that extra hour to see that spectacular Guatemalan sunset.

He once ate a snake just to cure his acid reflux. Mah Nà Mah Nà!






On the next episode: The most interesting man in the world spreads the Word that no one has in fact heard. Have you heard the word?

Stay Thirsty, Floosies


Anyone who knows other tales of the Most Interesting Man in the World are welcome to submit their learnings.

Your Ear Required

Sure, it's been awhile. Some might say I've given up on this blog. Those people would be correct. Well you know what. I still have this forum and I'm going to use it, damn it.

Every year I put together a montage for my adorable niece, Bradley. The most crucial decision made during the montage process involves picking the songs. Like an organic food snob, I only want to use the freshest, newest, home-grown music that appeal to all senses. Every song chosen must have been released within the past year, few exceptions.

For this year's montage, I want YOU! to help me select the third track. I have narrowed it down to a few choices for you cast your vote. "But Senator, what if I don't like these songs?" Well Timmy, you can nominate your own. I encourage the suggestions.

Sample the songs to the right and vote just below. After ONE week, I will pull the winner to use in the montage, whose debut will be 24 Jul.

"Running Cirlces in the Yard" by Colin Gilmore (listen to it on iTunes)
"You Never Know" by Wilco
"Forget Romance, Let's Dance" by We Should Be Dead
"My Friend" by Dr. Dog
"This is Your Life" by The Killers
"Life with You" by The Proclaimers
"Nikorette" by Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band

Or you can nominate your own by posting a comment

Please enjoy last year's montage for Bradley: "All the First Year Round"




Your Wilde Oscar Words:

"Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event."

"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead."

"Only the shallow know themselves."

"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius."

Ahmed's Kebap

A few blocks away from the hotel in Barcelona was a kebap joint run by Ahmed. Ahmed served these kebaps that were the size of Frisbees and probably the most delicious kebap served in Europe. Throw in an Estrella Damm (beer in Barcelona) and you have yourself a quality meal.

A co-worker and I dined with Ahmed three times in the course of the week. Truth be told my co-worker ate there five times. This was not because a lack of better places, we just felt a certain attachment to Ahmed. If I could write Ahmed a letter, some of it would read as follows:

Dear Ahmed,

You make the best kebaps a person on earth could eat. I would like for you to make them for me regularly. Please move to America and open up shop. Specifically, please move to Dunwoody, Georgia and bring your friend who looks like Saddam Hussein with you. I do not think your restaurant would be the same without him.

I know a guy named Achim who makes k-bobs in Athens, Georgia. I think you two should team up. Achim is very good with customer service. Achim is Hungarian. I could introduce the two of you. It would be nice.

I love you and kebaps,
Billy


Sure, I had some delicious tapas and great Paella. I even had dinner one night at one of the most expensive restaurants in town on top of one of the tallest buildings in Barcelona. But it was Ahmed’s kebaps I dreamt of at night…and still do. My mouth is watering as I write this. I guess what I’m saying is a want a kebap made by Ahmed.

They are delicious.


Your Words Athenians:
Quotes in praise of Achim’s K-bobs (currently Uncle Otto’s)

I used to eat here many times in college and it doesn’t hold a candle to Ahmed. Bold statement, I know

Let Me Tell You About The HOLA Windup

The clerk that works the evening shift at our hotel in Barcelona has a certain way of saying ‘hello’ each evening when we return from our long days of work. I have dubbed this particular greeting the ‘hola windup’. Let me explain how this works:

Step 1: Close your eyes as you rear back your head and lift your arms
Step 2: Breathe in and pause
Step 3: Explode your head forward while nodding, open your eyes widely, throw your arms out in a welcoming jester, and say “HOLA”
Step 4: Finish with a smile

This sincere welcoming we received everyday became comical after a few days. My colleague, Luke, took note of the ‘hola windup’ as I did. As we took the lift down to the lobby, Luke jumped out of the lift to the counter for a sneak attached. Luke windups up and fires: “HOLA, HOLA, HOLA.”

Senor Hotel Clerk returned fire with another ‘HOLA’.

Every evening upon our return from working, we received this warm, unique, greeting delivery. After a few days, we realized that the ‘hola windup’ does not represent a welcoming home, rather a loneliness of missing friends and customers each day. Rather sad if you ask me.


YOUR WORDS SENOR HOTEL CLERK:

Rear-back and fire: “HOLA”

Bidet On - Day 1

The way the flights are from Atlanta to Barcelona, the night you are accostome to disappears. Unless you sleep very well on the plane, you are missing a night's sleep. I missed said night sleep. Soon after I arrived, I got to work quickly - showing up to the venue and introducing myself around. About 21.00h a few of us wend out for some drinks and tapas at a tapa bar around the corner from the hotel. By the time I got to bed, I had been awake without any sleep for 34 hours. I feel I could have gone longer, but there was no need.

The hotel I'm staying is has been affectionately dubbed the "Roach Motel" amongst us resisdents. It is a good thing we don't spend much time there. The rooms are small and the bed are nothing but rusty springs. The only luxury I have is the bidet next to my toilet in my bathroom.

So, in the spirit of trying new things and personal hygene, I gave that splasher a try. It wasn't as exciting or unusual I i thought. Afterall, I have taken a few showers before. It really isn't much different aside from the lingering feeling afterwords. You laugh at that "lingering feeling" but it feels more like you've cleaned an apparently (yet, unintended) neglected area of your body.