Jeremy: The Most Interesting Man in the World, pt 1

He uses poisonous cactus needles as toothpicks and toothpicks to win dart tournaments.

Runoff from his sweat has been known to cure long drought seasons.

He once started a war with a pandemonium of parrots…and lost…so he claims…

He grew a pair of breasts just to win a bet against a woman with implants.

He is the Most Interesting Man in the World…these are his tales:


Mah Nà Mah Nà

It is believed he travels with the changing wind in a pact with the orbit of the sun. The truth is the earth orbits the sun in succession with his will. Indeed the sun stayed up an hour later than usual one day just so he could reach the summit of a Guatemalan mountain for sunset. When asked about the delay in getting to the top, his answer was simple, “Mah Nà Mah Nà.” Many believed this to be a nonsensical phrase from a song by Piero Umiliani, but a deeper study found an alternate solution. Mah Nà Mah Nà is a rarely evoked Swedish-Nahuatl word hybrid pertaining to the senses of Central American ‘armless snakes’. In this particular, or peculiar, situation, the Most Interesting Man in the World was resuscitating an ‘armless snake’ with CPR in the often dangerous caves of Chemic Champey.

‘Armless snakes’ in the caves of Chemic Champey are believed to possess to certain cures for acid reflux. Anyone who has tempted cuisine in Guatemalan markets knows the value in extracting the snakes’ potent potables. The most interesting man in the world spelunked through caves by candlelight to capture as many ‘armless snakes’ as possible. Leeches abound and hairy big-fanged bats aplenty. Upon discovery of the last dying ‘armless snake’, the Most Interesting Man in the World did what he knew best: call it a floosie, point and laugh.

The ensuing moments were fuzzy at best, but mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was given to the last remaining ‘armless snake’ and acid reflux was cured…at least for the most interesting man in the world. For he ate the snake after the snake turned his ungrateful back on the most interesting man in the world. He was right about that snake being a floosie.

His journey ended at sunset looking down from the local mountain with the snake that could have been. The snake that could have restored hope and change to all who suffer from acid reflux. But no, that snake had to be a floosie with an attitude. What kind of floosie snake would turn it’s back on the Most Interesting Man in the World with little remorse? The sun seeing the noble intentions in the most interesting man’s eyes decided to wait that extra hour to see that spectacular Guatemalan sunset.

He once ate a snake just to cure his acid reflux. Mah Nà Mah Nà!






On the next episode: The most interesting man in the world spreads the Word that no one has in fact heard. Have you heard the word?

Stay Thirsty, Floosies


Anyone who knows other tales of the Most Interesting Man in the World are welcome to submit their learnings.

Your Ear Required

Sure, it's been awhile. Some might say I've given up on this blog. Those people would be correct. Well you know what. I still have this forum and I'm going to use it, damn it.

Every year I put together a montage for my adorable niece, Bradley. The most crucial decision made during the montage process involves picking the songs. Like an organic food snob, I only want to use the freshest, newest, home-grown music that appeal to all senses. Every song chosen must have been released within the past year, few exceptions.

For this year's montage, I want YOU! to help me select the third track. I have narrowed it down to a few choices for you cast your vote. "But Senator, what if I don't like these songs?" Well Timmy, you can nominate your own. I encourage the suggestions.

Sample the songs to the right and vote just below. After ONE week, I will pull the winner to use in the montage, whose debut will be 24 Jul.

"Running Cirlces in the Yard" by Colin Gilmore (listen to it on iTunes)
"You Never Know" by Wilco
"Forget Romance, Let's Dance" by We Should Be Dead
"My Friend" by Dr. Dog
"This is Your Life" by The Killers
"Life with You" by The Proclaimers
"Nikorette" by Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band

Or you can nominate your own by posting a comment

Please enjoy last year's montage for Bradley: "All the First Year Round"




Your Wilde Oscar Words:

"Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event."

"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead."

"Only the shallow know themselves."

"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius."

Ahmed's Kebap

A few blocks away from the hotel in Barcelona was a kebap joint run by Ahmed. Ahmed served these kebaps that were the size of Frisbees and probably the most delicious kebap served in Europe. Throw in an Estrella Damm (beer in Barcelona) and you have yourself a quality meal.

A co-worker and I dined with Ahmed three times in the course of the week. Truth be told my co-worker ate there five times. This was not because a lack of better places, we just felt a certain attachment to Ahmed. If I could write Ahmed a letter, some of it would read as follows:

Dear Ahmed,

You make the best kebaps a person on earth could eat. I would like for you to make them for me regularly. Please move to America and open up shop. Specifically, please move to Dunwoody, Georgia and bring your friend who looks like Saddam Hussein with you. I do not think your restaurant would be the same without him.

I know a guy named Achim who makes k-bobs in Athens, Georgia. I think you two should team up. Achim is very good with customer service. Achim is Hungarian. I could introduce the two of you. It would be nice.

I love you and kebaps,
Billy


Sure, I had some delicious tapas and great Paella. I even had dinner one night at one of the most expensive restaurants in town on top of one of the tallest buildings in Barcelona. But it was Ahmed’s kebaps I dreamt of at night…and still do. My mouth is watering as I write this. I guess what I’m saying is a want a kebap made by Ahmed.

They are delicious.


Your Words Athenians:
Quotes in praise of Achim’s K-bobs (currently Uncle Otto’s)

I used to eat here many times in college and it doesn’t hold a candle to Ahmed. Bold statement, I know

Let Me Tell You About The HOLA Windup

The clerk that works the evening shift at our hotel in Barcelona has a certain way of saying ‘hello’ each evening when we return from our long days of work. I have dubbed this particular greeting the ‘hola windup’. Let me explain how this works:

Step 1: Close your eyes as you rear back your head and lift your arms
Step 2: Breathe in and pause
Step 3: Explode your head forward while nodding, open your eyes widely, throw your arms out in a welcoming jester, and say “HOLA”
Step 4: Finish with a smile

This sincere welcoming we received everyday became comical after a few days. My colleague, Luke, took note of the ‘hola windup’ as I did. As we took the lift down to the lobby, Luke jumped out of the lift to the counter for a sneak attached. Luke windups up and fires: “HOLA, HOLA, HOLA.”

Senor Hotel Clerk returned fire with another ‘HOLA’.

Every evening upon our return from working, we received this warm, unique, greeting delivery. After a few days, we realized that the ‘hola windup’ does not represent a welcoming home, rather a loneliness of missing friends and customers each day. Rather sad if you ask me.


YOUR WORDS SENOR HOTEL CLERK:

Rear-back and fire: “HOLA”

Bidet On - Day 1

The way the flights are from Atlanta to Barcelona, the night you are accostome to disappears. Unless you sleep very well on the plane, you are missing a night's sleep. I missed said night sleep. Soon after I arrived, I got to work quickly - showing up to the venue and introducing myself around. About 21.00h a few of us wend out for some drinks and tapas at a tapa bar around the corner from the hotel. By the time I got to bed, I had been awake without any sleep for 34 hours. I feel I could have gone longer, but there was no need.

The hotel I'm staying is has been affectionately dubbed the "Roach Motel" amongst us resisdents. It is a good thing we don't spend much time there. The rooms are small and the bed are nothing but rusty springs. The only luxury I have is the bidet next to my toilet in my bathroom.

So, in the spirit of trying new things and personal hygene, I gave that splasher a try. It wasn't as exciting or unusual I i thought. Afterall, I have taken a few showers before. It really isn't much different aside from the lingering feeling afterwords. You laugh at that "lingering feeling" but it feels more like you've cleaned an apparently (yet, unintended) neglected area of your body.

Barcelona 2009 - Day 0

I have embarked on my Eurotrip 2009 which takes me first to Barcelona for a week of non-stop working followed by a week in Berlin of non-stop fun. I have arrived in Barcelona this morning after a sleepless flight ready to tackle Catalunya. Right now I sit in Hall 7 of the Fira Monjuic at the Plaza d'Espana in Barcelona. This city is just how I left it one year ago.

When traveling, people have a way, call it annoying, of carrying their belongings with them on a plane and somehow must fiddle with everything they brought before they can sit down. All the while you are standing right behind them in the aisle waiting to pass which you cannot do until they move.

First these people do a triple take to see if they have arrived at the right row, seat. I find 30% of the time they are wrong. Next they have to figure out the exact combo of clothing layers to wear for the duration of the flight. These are the same people who get up no less than 3 times in the flight to go through their stuff again and add/subtract clothing. What are they looking for? Do the have the right book? Right medications? Glasses, Did they forget to put on make-up? I never know what they are doing and why it takes sooo long.

I have one bag. I sit with it and I stay. I will get up once in the flight but it's quick.

Another observation: Flight attendants are very nice people to the people in the seats and through out the cabin. They smile, they laugh at jokes, and they'll happily fetch anything for you. If you stay in your seat and don't complain too much then you will be fine with the flight attendants.

There is a catch though. If you venture say to the back of the plane for a bathroom break and you encroach in their area, you will be punished. It has been my experience that the flight attendants drop the smiles and will try to persuade you to leave their area. They recommend alternatives to you standing in their space such as you know there are restroom on the other side of the plane. It's like you walked backstage at an Opera and you saw the heroine without any makeup - not so pretty anymore is she?

Look for more updates and observatiosn in my Eurotrip 2009.


Your Words Counting Crows:
"Or we could simply pack our bags And catch a plane to Barcelona 'cause this city's a drag"

from 'Holiday in Spain'

A Dog Eat Dog Super Bowl

What does the Super Bowl mean to you? Is it about the game? The teams? Perhaps you watch it for the half-time show or the commercials? Do you gather each year for the food or because it is another reason to drink and be with friends? Maybe you watch the Super Bowl each year just because everyone else does?

As we gather to celebrate, yet mourn, the passing of the football season, we do so with the most American of pomp and grandiosity. As expected, fans will see two-day long pre-game shows, overly expensive advertising spots, obnoxiously attractive cheerleaders, major displays of fireworks, and premier concert performances. I usually enjoy the half-time shows and always look forward to the commercials. The games, however, are less memorable (with the exception of last year’s amazing catch by Tyree).

While most networks will concede the night to NBC’s coverage of the Super Bowl, many will embrace the idea of cheap programming to attract a different breed of viewers. Allow me to introduce you to the annual airing of the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.

The concept is simple: Pull together the cutest puppies into a small room with a football field carpet and stadium painted walls, add one crazy referee, and throw in some balls. What you end up with is one of the growing cult programs that air opposite the Super Bowl. Scoff all you want, but this concept is brilliant, funny, and satisfies the need of a niche audience in need of the Super Bowl ritual without the actual football. And it’s adorable.

While the Falcons are disappointingly not on the bill in Tampa, the commercials, the Boss, Hines Ward, and Leonard Pope will supply quality entertainment. Will it be better than Puppy Bowl V? Tough to say, but the game itself will be more hype than delivery.

*This is part of a duel post with dirtysouthsports.com


Your Words John Updike (1932-2009):

"To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client."

"A leader is one who, out of madness or goodness, volunteers to take upon himself the woe of the people. There are few men so foolish, hence the erratic quality of leadership in the world."

"Being naked approaches being revolutionary; going barefoot is mere populism."

Mapping the Miles of Sounds

My longtime partner/associate/friend/confidant/chauffeur and I reached an important milestone at the end of 2008. As our relationship hit its eighth year, seventh month and one-day anniversary, we rolled over into 100,000 miles.



As a way to commemorate our great achievement, I wanted to develop a map of my car through it’s own world of sounds. There are many new sounds that have made themselves known throughout the years, but more interestingly the sounds that are not being heard in my car anymore. Enjoy

NEW SOUNDS:

• Bird chirping noises from under the console when the heat is turned up
• Engine whining and growling when I am accelerating
• Heavy engine breathing after a long, high-speeds on the high way
• Hitchhikers who turn out to be cratered faced tennis pros
• Cries of agony at the gas pumps (on temporary hiatus)
• British voice who gives directions from the Garmin
  

GRAVEYARD OF SOUNDS
(Sounds no longer heard in or around my Xterra)

• Music – No radio or stereo (See also: 10” wave box)
• Air conditioning
• Teenagers
• 10 times around Loop 10 (reunions should be scheduled)
• Patrick snoring in Jacksonville before Georgia/Florida
• M. Mullen climbing on my roof or hanging umbrellas outside the window (all whilst driving)
• Mud splattering from driving off-road
• Eating Wendy’s – this also applies to smells
• Talking on old Nokia cell phones and the playing of ‘Snake’
• 3 AM runs to Wal-Mart, Waffle House

Contribute your own sound memories of my Xterra by posting a comment.


YOUR WORDS SENATOR AL FRANKEN:

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

YOUR WORDS CONGRESSMAN ANH “JOSEPH” CAO:

“I don’t want to conform to any ideology, to be put into a little corner”
“I truly espouse Aristotle’s definition of virtue: To walk in the middle line.”

- Anh Cao is the first Vietnamese-born person to be elected to the US Congress




Jacksonville after a full night of sleep - in the car



Spring Break 07 - Party!


With Charlie driving through North Georgia