America the Weird

Only in America can a name be strategically thrown around during a political debate and that man rise to dramatic, yet desperate fame. Joe Wurzelbacher, or ‘Joe the Plumber,’ around the end of the election enlisted the help of a Nashville PR agency to represent him with the hopes of “a possible record deal with a major label, personal appearances and corporate sponsorships.” For those of you yearning for more JTP, may your eyes rest on this wondrous piece of news: JTP has signed a book deal because he was broke but still wanted to ‘spread the wealth around’.
Ain’t that America.

In The Ohio State, an OSU academic adviser was caught running a prostitute ring via a raffle. The kicker: the prostitute was a child sex-abuse caseworker. I’ve heard of actors going to extremes to get to know a character, but this takes it to a new level. After reading this story, I immediately thought of the feasibility of this happening at The UGA. I was then reminded of my adviser who was in fact a whore of a woman. She continually stalked her advisees and attended college functions (the one’s she shouldn’t). She was overly excited by dumb news and probably did unmentionable news to the college boys and girls.

For those of you looking for a little Christmas related story that has nothing to do with a Wal-Mart employee getting trampled at the start of black Friday, I offer this little nugget. In Florida (a state we could all do without), a man attacked his father with a Christmas tree. Let me say this again. A 37-year-old man who lives with his parents threw a 3-foot Christmas tree at his father and missed. He is being held on federal charges.

And my favorite bit and bobble…A sane man in Texas took his perfectly good truck and steered it directly into a female’s car at 100 miles per hour…because God ordered him. God often talks to crazy people but he talks to sane people too. Mr. God told the man “she needed to be taken off the road.” Ain’t that America.

Texan + truck + female driver + (absurd speed – alcohol) x God =

A) Matthew McConaughey on a Steven Soderbergh set
B) LaDainian Tomlinson after a disappointing season
C) George Walker Bush the last 8 years
D) Toby Keith after admitting he’s a Democrat
E) Other ideas? Write on the comment wall


Your Words Nixon:
"Never forget the press is the enemy. The press is the enemy. The press is the enemy, the establishment is the enemy. The professors are the enemy. The professors are the enemy. Write that on your blackboard 100 times and never forget it."
[Hundreds of hours of Nixon tapes were released today by the National Archives. This is a quote from Nixon a couple weeks after he won one of the largest landslide elections in American history. What a crazy crazy man...]

Your Words Lewis Black:
And if the illustrious Richard Milhous Nixon were alive today, I would give him a slap on the back…of his head and scream, “What the fuck were you thinking?”
From Nothing Sacred